It was my very first month of full-time homeschooling and I really wasn’t sure if I was going to make it.
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I was consumed with guilt that I wasn’t a good enough teacher and fear that I was going to let my son down. I was feeling insecure, even after receiving full confirmation that we indeed needed to be a full-time homeschool family.
You see, we were a part of a small hybrid homeschool/private Christian school for four years before we broke away and plunged head first into the full blown homeschool world last year. I considered myself to be a homeschooler of sorts back then, and if you asked me today how long I’ve been homeschooling, I’d tell you five years-”ish”. Because of those “ish” years, I thought that I was prepared. I thought that being the boss and getting to make all of the decisions for my son’s education alone was going to be a dream.
I was wrong.
Our first month of homeschooling was awful. I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. I didn’t understand how to use my fancy new expensive curriculum that a gal from my church talked me into buying. There where moments when my son asked me what he should be working on and I had no idea what to tell him. In those moments of panic I would smile at him and quietly excuse myself from the room so I could go into the laundry room and cry.
I was a mess.
This wasn’t how homeschooling was supposed to be. I was supposed to be superwoman and do it all perfectly. I was a failure. The laundry was piled as high as the dirty dishes in my sink. My house was a disaster and my poor husband was scrapping the bottom of his dresser drawer for clean underwear.
I wanted desperately to connect with other homeschool moms, so I started a monthly “Homeschool Mom’s Night Out” with some of the homeschoolers from my church. On one of those nights, sitting at a little round table in Starbucks, a very seasoned homeschool mom asked me how I was doing….and I told her the truth. I told her about my worries and fears. I told her that our homeschool days were stretching long past 4:00 because there was just so much that HAD to be done.
“Oh, Sue…that’s not how homeschooling is supposed to be!”, was the first thing that she said to me. “Homeschooling is a gift of freedom and flexibility…not ‘To Do’ lists and rigidity.” She then went on to tell me how when she started out years ago, she was just like me. That she too had moments of great fear and guilt until one of her friends sat her down and told her that it was going to be okay.
If your children don’t speak fluent French…it’s okay. If you don’t complete the text book by the end of the year…it’s okay. If your students are not done with their work, and it’s time for school to be done for the day…it’s okay.
It’s okay.
I heard what she was saying to me in that moment and my head cleared. My guilt left. I didn’t feel the need to try to be super woman anymore.
To be a great homeschool mom, there’s no cape required.
To be the homeschool mom that God called me to be, I just needed to follow after His peace, take each day as it came, and rest on the fact that I was going to be okay.
To my friend Sharon, I never told you this, but your words that night over coffee were healing to me. Thank you so much for speaking them into my life. I hope that I am able to encourage other homeschool mothers just as you encouraged me.
Do you need to hear that today homeschool mommy? Do you know that you’re going to be okay?
Be encouraged and know that it’s okay to say goodbye to your cape.
Trust me, you won’t miss it.
*Homeschooling has truly become one of the greatest joys of my life! If you’re new to homeschooling & would like to read about a few other things that really helped me when I was just starting out, you might like to read an older post of mine entitled Newbies & Wannabes.*
Blessings & Happy Homeschooling,
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Wonderful post, Sue. I think we all need to hear stories like this from time to time. Not only as confirmation for what we are doing, but to remind us of where we were and how far we have come. Have a blessed day.
Love this post, I am not so new, this is my 3rd year, but sometimes I fall in to the same thinking pattern. I think it has to do with the fact that I have a teaching degree, so i struggle between what school "should" look like and what I actually want for my children. When I take a breathe and look at my life I know that this is the only life for us!! Thanks for the post!
Sue, I love your post so much today. I am going to mention it today in mu blog and link over to you. I think it's such a great thing for so many mothers to "hear". Thanks so much for having the courage to write it.
Melissa http://just-starting-out.blogspot.com/
I think we all go through this…and try to hide it. The best advice I have received is from a Mom with her last of 4 girls at home….and she is in her senior year….she told me: Don't try to do too much…I wish I had not tried to do too much, esp in those first years of elementary and some middle school. Relish in the learning with your children and the play time…..As a type A Mom, God is breaking me of that desire to do it all and be the best…I can't do it all and I'm not the best….I try to keep my eyes on Christ, he is the ONLY ONE who can truly fit both of those phrases!
Awesome post! I was like this the first couple of years. So thankful that I had a wonderful mentoring mom who talked with me through my many trials and errors.
I enjoy your blog but this really hit home.I have been thinking about this lately Bc my son just turned 10 and well I don't feel that I am readu for the years coming.I decided to join in with your post and tell about our story.Hope it is okay but I linked it to yours so that other can read your story. Now I just need to find some families with only children so I can talk to about the PROS AND CONS that we face with homeschooling the only child=Blessings
My son is in 1st grade at a public school and comes home with homework every day, so I know they don't get all their work done for the day at school. But if I were to homeschool know I'd beat myself up, worry about it, and feel great guilt if we got behind. Crazy how we are often much harder on ourselves than we are on other people.Nell
I'm in my 6th year of homeschooling. My mom died over the summer and I have felt guilt this year about not being a good enough mom. It's not that I don't think I can use a curriculum. It's just that everyday I wake up feeling like a train hit me, dealing with the grief. Everyday I don't want to even get up. And everyday I feel like a piece of me is gone . And it is. So its hard to set that stuff aside and "do school" and be positive for my kids when I feel like the entire world just sucks right now. I am not trying to be superwoman or super mom, but I am trying to just make it through each day as best as I can. I've learned to allow myself to just take off a week if I need too. What good is homeschooling if you are just upset and angry about things. I don't know if I'll be homeschooling next year, but this year I'm going to allow myself to breath and not feel bad about it. My kids are learning and it is ok to not follow the rules sometimes.
"To be a great homeschool mom, there's no cape required." – I love this, Sue! Great post! Thanks for sharing!
The one thing I truly love about a homeschool community is that people are (usually ) honest with eachother. When you say you had a bad day, people will tell you about theirs, when you worry about curriculum, people will share their best and worst experiences with you – I find it refreshing coming from a private school where I encountered so much of the 'not my child' mentality.We have been doing this for three years now, and we have some awful days here, I have cried after yelling at my 8 yr old and had my 12 yr old hug me and tell me it would be ok – but we have have awesome days where we bake and laugh and learn and just love on eachother, and those days sustain thro the dark hours
and I just love, love, love this site – have a great homeschooling day y'all xxx
Great post. I'm so glad you are discovering the freedom in homeschooling!
Great post! When we began homeschooling, I felt so insecure and was consumed with guilt that I wasn't a good enough teacher and that I was going to some how ruin my children's chance in life. Our first couple months were bad -real bad. I was completely stressed out when everything on our schedule wasn't completed in the time frame I had set. My children felt my stress. Poor kids! Thankfully, with prayer and finding blogs of other home school moms, I was able to relax and enjoy homeschooling my children. I can honestly say, it just seems to be getting better as our journey moves on!
Thanks for the encouragement!!=) I appreciate you sharing your struggles!!
Your post was awesome Sue! Thanks for sharing it with me. I think it takes a bit to find your homeschool style. We are on our fifth year and still trying to find our groove. The dynamics have changed every year we have homeschooled so our homeschooling changes. This year we are doing 5th, 4th, 2nd, and 2 preschoolers. Loads of fun (organized chaos?). BlessingsHoney
Thanks for sharing this. I am sure many homeschool mom would find these words encouraging and refreshing. Certainly I feel better.
Always remember that you are the best teacher for your children. Who loves them more than you and knows their every little quirk better than you do? Who cares more about the outcome of their character and their education? Teach your children to love God and to love to learn.
– from a 21 year veteran.
Great, wonderful, awesome post! I am in my first year of homeschooling and need that encouragement!!! Thank you so much!Aria,http://growing3godlygirlz.blogspot.com
thanks Sue
. I get your posts in my FB feed so I will be definitely checking back here!
Sue, I almost started crying when I read this. Though I am a little embarrassed because it sounds like you were peeking through my window as you were writing this. Let's see: the dishes piled high – check. Laundry up to here – check. Crazy yelling mommy….oh wait, you didn't mention that one.This is our first year of homeschooling, and although I've received the call from God to do it, plus Confirmation/affirmation that we're doing the right thing, I still find myself "threatening" to put the boy in public school. (Not that there's anything wrong with public school, but for this year at the very least, it is not the best option for my son.)We've actually been getting less done than I'd like, but at the same time I know that he's doing most of his learning through play at this age (5) rather than through formal instruction.Honestly, Sue, these words couldn't have come at a better time for me. Thank you for revealing your heart and for being my "Sharon". Love ya, girl!
Well, I'm not a homeschooling mom. My boys are 2 and 10 months but I am a SAHM and I could definitely relate to this post. I don't know why I feel "guilty" sometimes that I'm not doing enough or being perfect enough. I guess everyone goes through that. I did read a quote that helped me (I think it was on the flylady's website). It said something like any amount of cleaning you can do in a day is a blessing to your family. I try to apply that to other areas too. Like, any amount of teaching/interacting with my kids is a blessing to them. Any amount of time I can squeeze away with my husband is a blessing to him. I have to to give up trying to do it all! Thanks for the encouragement. I love how reading others blogs lets me know I'm not alone in all of this.
Oh my, you and your blog are just adorable! Good post, and there isn't a homeschooling mommy out there who hasn't felt this way…sometimes frequently. I myself, had a meltdown last week and my husband was feverishly passing me the chocolate in hopes to pull me down off the ceiling.
thanks as a new homeschooler all of what you wrote is true…..you doubt yourself, feel like you are behind and scrambling, thanks for the encouragement.
Thanks, as a new homeschooler I find myself feeling like this a lot. Tanks for the encouragement.
I know this an older post, but I wanted to tell you that it is wonderfully, wonderful! I have had my share of crying in the laundry room days and sometimes I just need a reminder that it's ok. Plus it made me feel so much better to read that someone else went through the piles of dirty laundry and no clean clothes times. How is that I seem to have so much less time for housework when I'm home all the time?
Thanks again for your encouraging, honest and amazing post!
You describe every new homeschool mom's humble beginnings! Thanks for what you do for the homeschool community! ~ Ellen
Thank you so much for your sweet comment. ~ Sue
Still love this post. Thank you for linking it up again. We recently changed curriculum and became independent homeschoolers. (Left k12, yay!) I was very unsure of myself, and two weeks in we are doing great. Glad to be back in the swing of things and linked to Hip Homeschool Hop. I am very excited to see what you gals have planned. =)
That was my first semester. We have faltered quite a bit this year but seem to be getting into the groove. We will be going year around but the summer will be much lighter plus other vacations and activities.
This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I haven't officially started homeschooling yet. I will be teaching my 3rd grade son for the first time starting in September. It's getting closer & I'm starting to get worried. I've done a ton of planning & I know it won't always work out the way I've scheduled – and I know that is going to bother me… a lot. I will need to keep this post in mind. Thanks for the reinforcement even before I need it.
After reading one homeschool blog after another, I found your blog, just at the right time. Tonight, I REALLY needed to read that "its okay"! We just moved from one state to another for my husbands job, and for the first time, we took our 5 kids out of private school and decided to homeschool them all. We are in a new state, new home, don't know many people yet, and it's a huge adjustment to say the least. I LOVE spending so much time with my kids, but I have the fear, worry, anxiousness of screwing up or letting them down. Prayer and my faith is what is getting me through this new chapter in our lives. Your written words of encouragement were a blessing to me tonight, thank you!
I love this post. Especially the "no cape required". Perfect.